What is Relationship Burnout?

Why might it be more prevalent in parents? And is it something you’re already experiencing, but haven’t had the language to describe? Read on below!
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I recently spoke to Sam Delaney (author and podcaster) for an article in The Telegraph about Relationship Burnout. What I found interesting is that he’d been looking for an interviewee for a while, because people don’t always want to admit to problems in their relationship.

But for me, that’s one of the most important things I can do to help support other mums - be honest. It is after all, at the heart of my book (ahem Get Your Mojo Back, Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy After Birth)

I was also intrigued to think of Relationship Burnout as new thing - the latest trend in self-development - when actually I think that many of us might have been experiencing it for a while, but perhaps haven’t had a succinct term to express it.

And as parents, too, I think we’re even more likely to suffer from it.

Relationship burnout is when the spark is fizzling out, when you’re bored of each other and don’t know how to say it, when you fight over everything, when your other half irritates you no matter what they do or perhaps when you just don’t care any more, when you react in irrational ways to entirely reasonable requests, when your libido has taken a nosedive…and when you’ve just had enough.

Come up for air.

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relationship burnout in parenthood

But “Hold on!”, I hear you cry, “Isn’t that just a normal marriage when you have kids?”

When there’s no time to eat properly, you’re not sleeping well, there’s too much to do and no time to do it, costs are rising and your salary isn’t? When you pass like ships in the night with the juggle of kids and work, when you haven’t had time together in months, when you’re all touched out and can’t stand any intimacy at the end of the day? When you can’t even get rid of the dead plant in your front garden…

Well, yes, it can be.

Because parenthood is hard. Because there’s no time for ourselves and our own identity and that can mean we love ourselves less. When we lose our sense of self, it means we have very little time and space for our other halves. Because if we don’t have equality of tasks and mental load, resentment builds.

So, if any of these scenarios resonate, don’t worry, you’re probably not alone. Perhaps this can act as a prompt to connect with your partner - find out if they are feeling the same thing, and decide if you want to do something about it.

Because whilst some people realise that Relationship Burnout is the end of their road, it doesn’t have to be. My husband and I were completely burnt out, but we made it back from the edge, and now we’re solid. Dare I say it, there are moment when we’re happier than we’ve ever been.

Click HERE to read Sam’s piece (it’s behind a paywall, but you can sign up for three free articles per month).

Are you struggling with your identity or sexual wellbeing in motherhood? Drop me a DM on Insta.

Read my book Get Your Mojo Back, Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy After Birth
Book a one-to-one consultation with me to chat things through with a wise and funny friend.

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