I found new motherhood really hard…

From birth trauma to breastfeeding problems, I went through a lot (most of us do) and I was unhappy for quite a long time. So what helped and what did I do about it?
Get in touch with me with any questions! hello@andbreathewellbeing.com

I’ll say it. I found new motherhood really hard. I went through a lot. It certainly wasn’t the Athena poster (IYKYK) deam I’d been raised on. Nor did my nursery (or indeed my baby) look like the pastel coloured images in the Mothercare catalogue.

I experienced birth trauma, which led to mild PTSD. This then intertwined itself with postnatal depression, which manifested quite a lot in rage (fun!) On top of this we struggled to breastfeed for weeks, it was so painful I was in floods of tears for most of the day. I then discovered I had a hypertonic (too tight) pelvic floor, which led to painful sex and a loss of intimacy and identity. The family dynamic, and needless to say my marriage, suffered greatly.

I tend to underplay this (everyone goes through something, after all, don’t they) but I’ve also learnt that other people’s worse experiences don’t negate your own. So now I can acknowledge, it was a lot to go through.

The worst thing was that I didn’t feel able to reach out for help. I didn’t know that that was allowed. I didn’t know that I wasn’t the only one who was struggling, because society does so much expect us to put a brave face on things, doesn’t it?

Once I did start to put my head above the parapet, I became aware of the lack of all-round, realistic support for mums. My eldest daughter is 10 years old this year, and a decade ago Instagram was only just starting to admit that life isn’t all a bed of roses with a newborn.

Come up for air.

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Once I did start to put my head above the parapet, I became aware of the lack of all-round, realistic support for mums. My eldest daughter is 10 years old this year, and a decade ago Instagram was only just starting to admit that life isn’t all a bed of roses with a newborn.

My GP was no good, only ever asking me about contraception. Mental health wasn’t ever broached. No-one ever asked me if I was OK. When I did reach out for help with painful sex, I was passed from infection swab, to another GP, to a gynaecologist to an internal ultrasound, none of which helped me to find a solution. I finally found a women’s health physio over a year after I first gave birth, through research of my own. I’m sad for my former self that it took me so long to find her. Women’s health physios are so important for postnatal recovery and should really be at the top of the list of options for healthcare professional advising new mums.

But I digress. This was just the tip of the iceberg. I wanted comfort and proper advice, I wanted to feel supported and understood. I wanted to be cooked nutritious food, helped to rehabilitate and get stronger. A retreat would be perfect, but there weren’t any designed for new mums & dads. A military weight loss bootcamp would not have been appropriate! Besides, none of them would allow me to bring my breastfed baby.

We have a wonderful property in France, with glorious, soothing views and plenty of space. I felt sure that I could create the most magical experience there. And so &Breathe was born!

Out of the most traumatic experience, the most incredible ideas and experiences can be created. And that’s just what &Breathe is. So I get it, I really do, why not come and see if &Breathe can help you put yourself first for once too?

Are you feel overwhelmed and in need of a break? An &Breathe Family/Postnatal or Menopause retreat will sort you out. Drop me a WhatsApp to chat.

At &Breathe we’re passionate about wellbeing for postnatal, families, and peri-menopause. Click below to learn more about our RETREATS and my BOOK: