How can breastfeeding impact your sex life?
Breastfeeding can be a milky minefield for many of us - it’s not easy to master it. But if and once you have, it also has a big (sometimes negative) impact on our identity and sexual wellbeing. Read on for tips on how to manage this tricky opposition.
Get in touch with me with any questions! hello@andbreathewellbeing.com
Me breastfeeding my second daughter at 4 weeks old
Becoming a mother represents a seismic shift in our identity and an oxymoron - we are the same person and yet we will never be the same.
As women, we are used to multi-tasking but it certainly takes on another dimension when our bodies create - and have to sustain - life.
If we choose to breastfeed (breastfeeding is recommended until six months but I definitely champion bottle-feeding too - fed is best!) our breasts are a source of vital food and comfort for our babies, a function very alien to them being seen as objects of desire. We’ve been societally trained to consider our motherhood identity as completely separate to our sexual identity. Often our breasts are where these two worlds collide.
However you decide to feed your baby, sex may be pretty low down in our list of priorities - because the most important one is keeping a tiny human alive!
Feeding a baby, both breastfeeding and bottle-feeding can give you lots of eye contact, loving touch and contact with your little one, which can act as a substitute for touch, and fulfil your need for affection fom your partner. This, in turn, might lead to a reduced need for sex.
And great if your libido is strong! We should absolutely enjoy our bodies and bonding with our partner which is so necessary for the stability of our relationship and that of our children’s lives.
Come up for air.
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Here are some of my main tips for enjoying sex while breastfeeding:
Wearing a bra during sex can alleviate the fear of your breasts leaking during sex and orgasm. Yes, the bra you choose should be functional but it can be a bit sensual too. You can also try feeding your baby before sex or pumping so your breasts don’t feel so full. If on the flip side, you do enjoy a bit of nipple-licking, know that the inevitable will happen but that’s ok and totally natural, it just might be a source of surprise for your partner!
It’s OK if you don’t want your breasts touched at all. Talk to your partner and let them know they might be off-limits (for now). Yes, you may feel like a milk-making machine but you are still deserving of desiring and being desired!
Get stocked up on lube! The breastfeeding hormone prolactin can reduce vaginal lubrication which may mean that penetrative sex is painful due to increased friction. Lubricants are your best friend, Hanx and Yes Organics are two very good options.
Not ready to be touched? You’re probably touched out! Check out this blog post for more on being Touched Out. If your libido is stirring but you can’t separate the idea of yourself as lover from mum, spend time alone without the kids. If you plan a date night, go all in. Get your kids looked after (if possible) and enjoy feeling like you again.
I wrote an article for Good To Know about this very topic, so read more about it HERE.
Author and Founder of &Breathe, Clio Wood. (Credit Ocean O’Connor)
If you feel ready for sex soon after having a baby, keep in mind that doctors recommend waiting six weeks to allow your body to heal from specific birth-related issues. Also, it’s possible your partner may feel a bit tentative about sex after babies too - so make sure you have the conversation so you’re on the same page.
It doesn’t have to be all hot and heavy either, start with kissing, intimate touching or what we would usually call foreplay - that can be the main event! Our bodies are a marvel, beautiful, sexy, strong and let’s face it superhuman. The bottom line is that you will feel like yourself again, I promise. But it takes time, and your mental health is important, so don’t put yourself under any pressure to feel sexy. If all you want to do is get your head down or have a bath, that’s OK too.
Questions? Drop me a line at hello@andbreathewellbeing.com or book a 1-2-1 consultation with me HERE.
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