Let’s talk about sex (after) baby…

Like a far-off planet, sex after babies is something that hasn’t been much explored in the media but I’ve taken the leap for womankind and I’m sharing my experience so you can all feel normal about the sex you’re not getting.
Get in touch with me with any questions! hello@andbreathewellbeing.com

When we become mothers, we are still women with needs and desires that need to be satisfied but we’re just too exhausted, our self-esteem plummets and we don’t recognise ourselves in the mirror.

It is why I wrote my book, Get Your Mojo Back (which has been nominated for a Health & Wellbeing award, yay!)

I also contributed to an illuminating article on the subject of sex after babies for Good to Know. I talk about how regular sex isn’t key to solid marriage but ‘regular and proper communication and intimacy is’.

And by intimacy, I don’t mean intercourse. I mean touching, embracing, kissing.

Read it here with a brew.

The bottom line is that it’s completely normal if sexual desire dissipates or flatlines after having a baby. You are a giver of life and that’s pretty special, important, and life-changing.

Sadly, many women experience birth trauma (like me) which can make a move back to intimacy even more challenging and emotional.

Come up for air.

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I was lucky to have a group of brilliant female experts contribute to my book Get Your Mojo Back.

Dr. Karen Gurney is a clinical psychologist, psychosexologist, and couples therapist. She comments:

“After having a baby, I would say there are obviously physical challenges for many people around returning to sex. Painful sex, vaginal dryness caused by breastfeeding and scarring all need time to recover.

“Despite those things, it’s usually challenges to people’s psychological wellbeing, and to the relationship’s wellbeing, that make it harder for people to return to sex: things like tiredness, stress, overwhelm, panic, adjustment to being a new parent, relationship conflicts that can come with new parenthood and feeling completely touched out."

The most important thing I want you to take away from this blog is that you are still you. You are still the vivacious, sexy, effervescent woman you were before having kids.

Yes, kids can absolutely make us feel very happy and complete but it’s so important we don’t lose sight of our needs and desires.

If you’re feeling a bit lost, I get it. I did too.

It’s why I want to help as many of you as I can. Breathe deep. If you’re reading this, you are incredible!

Dr Karen Gurney is the Clinical Psychologist and Psychosexologist Director at the Havelock Clinic, and is the psychologist representative in the BASHH Special Interest Group in Sexual Dysfunction. She has been helping couples and individuals since 2003.

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